Easter Bunny

Easter Bunny

Kitsgals have fabulous figures. Thus, temptation in the form of calories is the natural enemy of any true kitsgal. This time of year presents temptation in an extreme form. Easter chocolate is everywhere.

Two days ago, I was in Purdy’s Chocolates on West 4th. It is chocolate heaven for anyone who believes in that form of religion. An army of brightly

I want to be buried here.

wrapped bunnies and eggs assault your senses as soon as you walk into the store – the smell alone adds ten pounds to your hips so it is best to breathe sparingly. While waiting in line to pay for my basket of chocolate bunnies, caramel eggs and truffle hens, I overheard a tiny kitsgal in front of me talking to her equally tiny kitsgal friend. With the hesitation and regret that is usually reserved for a discussion with a girlfriend after a drunken one night stand, she ordered one low fat mint patty. The two gals then discussed for a good three minutes whether they should each have one or they should share it. After hearing the exact calorie count, fat grams, transfat grams, sugar content, organic status and oxidant levels, they rationally decided to share it on the condition they do an extra session with their personal trainer and up their weekly Bikram’s yoga class number to sixteen. Yes, this was how they planned to celebrate the crucifixion and resurrection of our Lord and Saviour – one shared mint patty.

I felt a bit bad when they turned and saw my basket.

“You must have a lot of children,” one of the gals said to me.

“No. I didn’t have breakfast.” was my reply.

Easter is one of my favourite holidays. Essentially, I like any holiday whose main purpose is to give folks free chocolate. Here is my ranking of Maggie’s favourite holidays:

  1. Halloween
  2. Easter
  3. Valentines’ Day (even as a single gal, you can get free candy from your coupled gal friends if you play the pathetic/ suicidal card)
  4. Christmas
  5. Thanksgiving
  6. Canada Day

As you can see, the ratio of free chocolate to holiday traditions directly impacts my love of the occasion.

When I was growing up, Easter posed a bit of a challenge. My mom had a huge sweet tooth but she was determined to try to fight genetics and insisted that the Easter Bunny only hide non-chocolate related items in our house. This posed a bit of a problem. For all of my friends, finding brightly foil wrapped chocolate eggs meant the hunt was over in about 45 minutes or so. For my sister and me, finding the non-chocolate treats hidden in our house meant the hunt could go on for days. Eventually, we devised a strategy to help us in the search – we had to ask ourselves what things were now in the house that had not been there the day before. Over the years, the Easter Bunny left us some really odd treats.

A list of some of the really odd treats left by the Easter Bunny.

  • Potato masher
  • Mittens
  • Protractor set
  • Money
  • Prescription medication
  • Hamsters
  • Ichiban noodles
  • Scotch
  • Book on how to care for your new hamster
  • Vicks cough drops
  • Sunflower seeds (I am guessing they were for the hamsters)
  • Condoms

Thinking back on things, it is really hard to say what was left by the Easter Bunny and what we just inadvertently stole from visiting house guests. My mom put an end to the whole Easter hunt thing the day after I very proudly claimed a new set of Samsonite luggage, not thinking that it may belong to my dad’s new boss who had just arrived to stay the night.

Perhaps that is why I find the whole Easter candy hunt thing a bit lame…finding brightly wrapped chocolate eggs in a living room seems so simple; finding a new, never seen before, roasting pan hidden in a house – that takes skill.